Proper Gipe

I've come to realise that by trying to spend as little money as possible, i always end up spending loads of money by inadvertently finding deals that only morons would ignore.

This occurs mainly with DVD's. I'm accumulating quite a respectable collection, y'see, and when i think "I'd like to buy "x" film" I'll go into HMV and look for it (and usually they won't have it in so you've gotta go to leeds, where they actually stock the shelves). On the rare occasion they do have whatever DVD in stock, i will only consider getting it if it is under 5 quid. Unless it's something akin to God, in which case I'll consider spending 6. This even happens with Boxsets. If a boxset has 5 films in and is over 25 quid, that makes it £5 per film; and therefore it shall remain shelved.

2 - Packs are pretty good (Nightwatch/daywatch, Superman 1+2, every which way but loose/any which way you can, Airplane + airplane 2 etc), but again, if it's a tenner or over, it's gotta pretty much strip down and dance for me if i am to even consider buying it.

Now, when they have those vast shelves which display all of the £5 and under DVDS and cheap-ish boxsets is where i give in. Luckily for my bank balance, most of the films within them are usually pretty crap, but still, i can get some right binging in the sales corner.

HMV may be one drainage of my wallet, and that is why i don't go in there too often, or else i find myself rather poor indeed. I find i don't go on the internet that much anymore either, and therefore don't go on amazon much anymore.....

But when i do go on amazon, i'm forced to write a blog and tell everybody about my experience. Theres a user on there called Zoverstocks that sell pretty much all their films for under a quid. (million dollar baby was only 9p!) Now if it wasn't for their postage price of £1.24 per dvd i think the postman would get the anthrax that bin laden is sending through the post to me and shit in it, mix it up and make me a shit-thrax turd pie, set it on fire and feed it to me while making me watch glee. Thats if he'd get me before he got ahernia. (Newsflash! Speed skater on the winter olympics called Ming Wham - lol). So i find myself to be even more of a gippo when i'm online.

I often hear people complaining about shopping online. There are various- "The table i bought was missing a screw" - "The car you sold me didn't have any gloves in the glove box - why is this? I refuse to pay!" To people who would say this, i reply "fuck off, you got your goods for at least half price, and you didn't even have to get off your fat arse and drive into town or whatever to get it! (Probably just cursed myself and the next thing i buy off the internet will arrive on fire.)

The other complaint is that there is no line to wait in before you pay. This isn't because the british public lurveee queuing (face it - it's true, we make queues to get into queues). Apparently people get annoyed because they can't look at their items and think "Do i realllly need this? I think I'll take it back" (or, a more likely situation, "I'll just put it back wherever. Yeah, this topless cage fighting DVD can go back here, amongst balamory and tots tv") . Typical that after years of queuing up to buy goods off real people and complaining about the size of the queue, the internet comes along and we all decide to sympathise with the queue and give it a moral purpose.

The internets lack of queues and it's conveniant one-click ordering system apparently abolishes this certain thought process that many a consumer has experienced. Anyone who complains about this is a complete moron; if you love queues that much, you must be very british. And if you miss the queue that much and want to put a bit more blighty into your order, heres a solution:

Put all your items in your shopping basket, hover your mouse over "click to pay" and then go make a brew, drink it and maybe feed the dog or whatever, scratch your arse, hoover, then go back to your computer and think to yourself "whyyyy am i buying all this shit? Theres a poitrot boxset, a vase, a history of belgium, a collection of vintage postcards and some rollerblades, when all i wanted was a bloody scart cable, AND I HAVEN'T EVEN BOUGHT THAT YET!!"

...He says after just going for a browse on Amazon and spending £34 on 18 dvds. (You do the maths - thats a bargain!) but i didn't actually want to buy anything, I only wanted to see how much a certain film costs, then i find myself with 3 tabs open (amazon, imdb and ebay (in case it's cheaper) just haplessly browsing on imdb for films to search for on amazon for a price to compare with on ebay! AND I DIDN'T EVEN BUY THE BASTARD FILM I LOOKED FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Gadzukes. Night all!